… in part 2! If you’re looking for Part 1, it’s here.
Where was I? London, sadness, and feeling adrift. Ah yes.
It was an interesting feeling, now that I reflect back on it, being surrounded by so many people and yet feeling so lonely.
I’ve always felt really close to my family, but that time was the furthest away I have ever been from them emotionally. So, what happened next?
Well, I got quite fat for one thing, because I wasn’t treating my body with any respect. My relationship crumbled with my ex and I couldn’t even stand being in the same room as her (which was awkward, because that was the room with the bed in). Every job I applied for came back a rejection because I wasn’t putting any effort in anymore. I was getting nowhere.
Eventually, it all broke and I went back home while I could still afford to do so. The arguments with my ex were getting more and more destructive, and a deep-rooted hatred of London had taken hold and wouldn’t let go.
I missed the green trees and rolling fields of my home town. I missed the quiet. I missed being me.
When I got back home, I was scared. I didn’t want the arguments to begin again, I didn’t want my family to judge me, and I didn’t want to push them further away. It was a fear that stayed with me for a couple of weeks, and it would make me want to hide, to shut myself away again, and not open up.
Then one day, I went for a walk with my dad. We talked about life, about how I was feeling, about where I wanted to go. By the end of the walk, I was surprised at what I found. I wanted to write more than anything. London hadn’t put me off. But I needed an education. Dad agreed. That set me off on the next step of my journey which, eventually, led to here. A flat I can pay for, a job, and the love of my life.
Running from my problems didn’t help. My time in London wasn’t a healthy living experience. I wasn’t working on myself, trying to build as a person. If anything, I was breaking myself down into smaller and smaller chunks and throwing them away.
I now know how lucky I am. I managed to pull myself out of what felt like a never ending cycle.
Here’s my advice for people who feel they are stuck and adrift: don’t hide from yourself. Don’t run away and think that problems will solve themselves.
Trying to run away from negative emotions can result in worse emotions down the line. Take a breath. Believe in yourself. Face the wave head on.
I might as well add ‘hang in there’ with a picture of a cat hanging from a tree at this rate!
Don’t hold it all inside.
You’ll be fine. I know it.